Tuesday, November 17, 2009

7:47 PM: Kansas 22, Memphis 17

As Memphis starts out 2-12 from beyond the arc, I think it's worth restating the one real lesson I learned from watching all these games: College teams need to stop shooting so many threes. All of you (except maybe Duke ... you guys do whatever works). I thought maybe it was just Tubby Smith who told his team, "Hey, we're one for nineteen from three ... we're gonna get hot any second now." Nope ... that's the conventional wisdom now.

If there's one thing Strong and I can emphatically agree on, it is that to succeed on offense in college, you take the ball strong to the hoop. Good things will happen. Memphis, as always has the best athletes in the country, and a few of them may even be good basketball players (like Duke transfer Elliot Williams), but there is not a jump shot among this bunch. Jump over people. Dunk the ball. At the very least, shoot from closer in so that your teammates have a chance for the put-back.

Also, I know I've harped on this at some length already (and even won some money doing so) ... but there have been three total assists so far in this game. Seventeen minutes. Two teams. Three assists.

Again, I blame Duke for setting a bad example for all these teams. Forced three-pointers and flopping is not the recipe for success for anyone else.

7:23 PM: Michigan State 75, Gonzaga 71

Let it be said that I was here first, singing the praises of Future Overlord of All Humanity Durrell Summers. The no-doubt NBA Hall-of-Famer led all scorers with 21 points, missed one shot all night, hit the big shots that put MSU ahead, and calmly drained two free throws to ice it in the end.

Gonzaga, on the other hand, is (obviously) a lot better than people thought they would be, though foul trouble hurt them down the stretch.

All in all, this was absolutely the best game of the marathon so far, and with that, I turn it over to Powers:

"Michigan St. wins, and now for Adam's second favorite thing...Dicky V!!!!!"

Yup. Memphis vs. Kansas in the last game of the night. Prime time for our man Vitale! As if it could be any other way.

6:41 PM: Gonzaga 54, Michigan State 49

Into the second half now, and not much has changed. Gonzaga is hanging around, though it just doesn't seem possible they can hold on for twelve more minutes. Their best player is a German guy who is 5-14 from the field. Michigan State appears to be getting killed on the boards, but in reality they're out-rebounding the Zags by four. As I write this, they take their first lead, but Gonzaga comes right back. Sacre! Bouldin! German Guy!

Furthermore, as a Gopher fan, I'm scared to even mention his name, but future NBA superstar Durrell Summers has eleven rebounds so far. ELEVEN! No one else on the team has more than five, and Michigan State's two crappy centers have four between them. Summers also had a super-athletic play where he blocked a dunk and got a jump ball called.

On the other hand, he (like everyone on MSU, apparently) cannot figure out how to get his feet behind the three-point line. This team leads the world in twenty-foot two-pointers.

Still, Summers: You can work on that in the pros. Please leave early. We are scared of you.

Finally, it's worth mentioning that Tennessee played UT-Asheville today. At one point in the first half, they led 47-6. The final was 124-49. Does it make me kind of a sadistic person that I think I would have enjoyed watching that?

5:51 PM: Gonzaga 29, Michigan State 26

Morgan goes out with a sprained ankle, Mark Few takes advantage of the new rule that, when a player can't shoot his free throws, the opposing coach gets to choose any one of the remaining four players on the court to shoot. This is going to lead to an incredible amount of bad blood, isn't it? I see two possible situations:

(1) Coach tells his team, "Foul X, but if you can't get him, just foul anyone and make sure you hit him hard enough to knock him out of the game and we'll just make X shoot it anyway."

(2) The potential to play mind games with a player is just off the charts. Imagine you can choose the shooter, and the other team has a precocious freshman shooter. Maybe he's actually really good at the line, but in crunch time of a close game, the opposing coach looks right past a couple mediocre shooters and chooses the freshman with nothing more than a dismissive, "That guy ... he's gonna miss 'em." If that kid misses ... doesn't the other team just own him for the rest of this career? How great would that be?

Anyway, Michigan State has cut it to three, and I have no doubt they'll win this game, probably fairly easily, but I hope it stays close for awhile.

5:28 PM: Gonzaga 17, Michigan State 6

Gonzaga comes out firing, led by a floppy-haired guard and a Canadian center named "Sacre." I swear, Gonzaga has to have sitcom casting people doing the recruiting for them.

I'm wearing a Gonzaga t-shirt for this game, but only by random chance, as I own three of them, all acquired from different people under totally different circumstances. I guess I'm rooting for them, because it's always more fun to root for the underdog, but I have nothing against Michigan State. Someday, I would like Minnesota to be good enough to consider Michigan State a rival, but that day is probably not coming anytime soon.

So really, I like it that Michigan State is good. I like them as the face of the conference, a reminder that the Big Ten can have elite teams, can make Final Fours, can hang with Carolina and Kentucky and Kansas. Basically, I'm okay with Michigan State because they are the exact opposite of Ohio State football. They play on a big stage, and they never embarass the conference.

Anyway, I'm going to put up intermittent posts and hope to attract a Strong rant in the comments. First incitement: You have four awesome wing players, but apparently nobody who can even kinda play center, and ten minutes into the first game of the year, even a mid-major team is exploiting this. Go.

5:01 PM: Duke 101, Charlotte 59 (FINAL)

Duke throwing the whitewash out there for the final three minutes or so. You just know the Cameron Crazies are a LOT more comfortable rooting for this team. Not so dark and scary.

And, as we finally leave the Duke game, I want to reprint one of Jerry's comments here on the main page. Nice, concise Duke hate.

While Aaron makes a good point with the flopping thing, it's the east coast prep school date rapey frat boy thing that pisses us all off. So if you like kids who paid more for high school than I did for law school and have a good Roofie hookup by all means root for Duke.

It took me 500 words to explain why flopping upsets me so much. It took Jerry two sentences to explain the much larger socio-economic reasons for the hate. Well said.

4:38 PM: Duke 85, Charlotte 50

I was going to post about how hard it has been to watch all this terrible shooting, and then Duke comes out with 52% FG, 59% 3-PT.

So, let me restate that ... I would like to see some non-Duke players actually make jump shots.

Aaron's Sports Hate List

Teams

(1) University of Wisconsin basketball
(2) New York Yankees
(3) Chicago White Sox
(4) Duke basketball
(5) Green Bay Packers
(6) University of Illinois basketball*
(7) Boston Red Sox
(8) Atlanta Braves
(9) University of Wisconsin football
(10) Chicago Cubs

Announcers

(1) Hawk Harrelson
(2) Joe Buck
(3) Tim McCarver
(4) Billy Packer (though, I guess, retired, so maybe he's off the list)
(5) Michael Kay

*This one is weird because they always have very likeable teams, and I like the orange jerseys, and I almost went there for law school and everything ... but they always, ALWAYS beat Minnesota, even when they are terrible and Minnesota just needs one more win to make the NCAA tournament. They beat them three times a year sometimes. They beat them when they have one good player who can do nothing but shoot threes and Minnesota leaves him open for the entire game even though he is their entire offense (and I'm not just talking about one instance of this ... this has happened SEVERAL TIMES!!!). So I don't know what to say. If Illinios somehow left the Big Ten, I would be an unabashed fan of their squad. On the other hand, I KNOW they will beat the Gophers in heartbreaking fashion somewhere between one and three times this year, despite the fact that Minnesota has a better team.

4:25 PM: Duke 73, Charlotte 26

Back from the run, happy to see ten comments on the last post, less excited to see Duke up 3o.

Always fun to watch Scheyer and Singler ride the one good black player. Now that Gerald Henderson's in the NBA, nice to see Nolan Smith fit nicely into that role.

As a jumping-off point for some Duke hate, this Gmail message from Albert:

I know I'm supposed to hate Duke, but I'm not quite sure why. I think I need to be watching this game with someone who can properly point out things I should hate.
Here's why: Because they have managed to become very successful by doing something that makes basketball less enjoyable. For me, this is the one thing to hate about them. I don't really care that they send dozens of smug white d-bags to the NBA only to be huge busts, I don't care about the Cameron Crazies, I don't care about the latent racism inherent in Duke as a culture. All I care about is that they have elevated flopping to an art form.

Basketball is not really a strategic game. It can be, but more than anything else it is a game where the best players can win. You can put eight in the box to stop Adrian Peterson. You can intentionally walk Albert Pujols. But, in basketball, a good offensive player will beat you. If you double him, he will find the open man. If you leave him alone, for even a second, he will score. And so, really, the only way to stop a good offensive player is to play good defense. And this is why basketball can be so viscerally awesome. When a good offensive player takes the ball to the basket, it is up to the defense to man up and stop him. Block his shot. Steal the ball. Force him into a bad shot or a turnover. But you have to be better at defense than he is at offense to beat him. This guarantees action.

Duke, however, does not play defense in the usual sense. Sure, they always have some scrappy white point guard slapping the floor as if he's all fired up to hound the opposing point guard into a turnover, to directly go and steal the ball from him, to be the better player and prove it. However, this is not what he is going to do. He is going to attempt to get himself into a place where he can fall down and make it look like an offensive foul.

Duke also never lacks for a seven-foot big man. Usually they have several, all McDonald's All-Americans, guys who were the super-studs of their high schools, often the best player in their entire state. These are guys who are used to dominating the lane, imposing their will on others, blocking shots at will, and changing an entire team's offensive game plan. At Duke, however, they are taught to simply stand there until the opposing post player makes the slightest move, then to throw themselves into the basket support as if they had been hit by a truck. I would bet that Coach K actually discourages blocked shots.

And so the offense goes from a mindset of attacking to a mindset of fear. Any player who makes any kind of cut, with or without the ball, is now thinking of scoring only secondarily, and is instead more concerned with avoiding a charge. Being good at offense, being quick, slashing through the defense, getting to the rim, trying to create a highlight ... this all now has negative reprecussions. And so Duke games turn into stand-still jump shooting contests, with the best actors gaining the advantage. In the college game, with a five-foul limit, one or two soft offensive foul calls can put a superstar on the bench, and can beat an entire team.

Duke is really good at basketball. They are currently winning 73-36. I think they could win just as much by playing a style of basketball that is not such a perversion of everything we love about the game. I think they could make final fours without attempting to turn basketball into Italian soccer. And, if they did, they would be just another good team that I have no real opinion about. But this will never happen. Not as long as Coach K is able to recruit players willing to give up their desire to play entertaining basketball. And he will. And I will hate them.

3:04 PM: Georgetown 46, Temple 45 (FINAL)

Clutch bucket by Georgetown, and a great defensive play on the jump ball, but the most incredible part of this game is that Temple almost won a game in which they shot:

3-23 from three-point range
6-13 from the free throw line
18-57 on two pointers

Wow.

Let's move on to game #10, and the great American pastime of rooting against Duke.

2:51 PM: Temple 45, Georgetown 44

This Flomax commercial has lapped the field when it comes to "most-run commercial" but it's so unintentionally funny that I can't be mad at it.

However, Jared Jewelers has broken out the big guns in its war with Kay to produce the most commercials that make me weep for western civilization: the one where the woman is doing the crossword and asks her friend for a thirteen-letter word for "marriage proposal," then answers her own question with "He went to Jared" and they both start screaming.

Yup. That's how I imagine most proposals are. The most exciting thing about a couple deciding to spend their lives together is ... what jeweler the guy went to. Good thing that guy wasn't some sucker who went to Kay ... they probably would have broken up immediately.

Also, where are the Pacific Life whale commercials? It just isn't college basketball without them.

I really have nothing to add as far as the actual game. Georgetown is not going to cover, so I really don't care if they actually win or not. Enjoy your wall dollar, Powers.

2:38 PM: Temple 39, Georgetown 36

I'm kinda disappointed that this has turned into a good game, since I really have no rooting interest in either team. I know I have a dollar on Georgetown, but I've always kinda disliked them for no reason and have enjoyed watching them lose.

Also, the guy who sat in front of me at Bar/Bri wore a Georgetown shirt something like four times a week, so there's all kind of bad energy wrapped up in that.

I think I enjoyed it more when the teams were apparently trying to out-airball each other.

I've changed into running clothes, but I'm going to stay with this one to the bitter end.

And it will be bitter.

1:49 PM: Georgetown 19, Temple 13

Who am I kidding, I could never leave this stupid game.

The best part, so far, is how openly hostile the announcers are. Overheard so far:

Play-by-play Guy: "And he keeps it alive! Coach Thompson has to like that hustle!"
Color Guy: "You know what I would like? If someone made a basket."

"I don't know if Temple will EVER get to double digits."

On the College Basketball Encyclopedia: "Is there a section on shooting? Could these teams read it at halftime?"

Play by Play Guy: "Shot may have been partially blocked ..."
Color Guy: "At this point, does it even matter?"

"Not the greatest crowd here today ..."

And we go into halftime with Georgetown leading 19 to 13. HALFTIME. Awesome.

1:25 PM: Georgetown 7, Temple 3

Nine minutes played, and Temple has ... three points.

I'm going to go do things that aren't watching this game.

Back later.

12:59 PM: Tulsa 59, UALR 45 (FINAL)

Total UALR Assists: 6.

Our line: 6 1/2.

Put a dollar on the board for me. Always fun to play over/unders with Kass.

EDIT: Another gambling note - Branny took UALR +17, and is officially in the win column.

Moving on Game #9: Temple at Georgetown.

Georgetown a 10 point favorite, and I've got a dollar on them vs. Powers.

12:31 PM: Tulsa 42, UALR 26

ESPN has changed it's "back from commercial" music from AFI to the Black Eyed Peas. I did not know that BEP had a country song, but I guess they do. It's called "New Generation." I guess Will.i.am's master plan involves conquering all possible radio formats. Can't wait for their jazz debut.

ESPN.com now credits UALR with 3 assists despite the fact that they had one at halftime and have only scored one basket in the second half. This better not cost me a wall dollar.

EDIT: UALR back down to two assists. All is right with the world.

Now that we're into some gambling talk, let's take a look at the lines for the rest of today's games:

Georgetown -10 vs. Temple
Pitt vs. Binghampton - no line
Duke -17 1/2 vs. Charlotte
Illinois -21 1/2 vs. Northern Illinois
Michigan State -10 1/2 vs. Gonzaga
Duquesne - 1 1/2 AT Iowa
Kansas -12 vs. Memphis
Arizona State -12 vs. TCU

Tough not to like ALL the favorites there, based on those lines (Branny, please do not wager based on that comment). I guess I like TCU, Iowa, and Northern Illinois as possible underdog bets, but ... eh.

Also, disappointing that a Big Ten team would EVER be an underdog at home to an A-10 team, but Iowa really is terrible.

EDIT: Updated assist total for UALR ... still 2.

12:02 PM: Tulsa 25, UALR 20

Halftime!

UALR disappointingly notches their first assist with 25 seconds left in the half. I set the over/under for total UALR assists in the game at 6 1/2. Brett takes the over. It feels good to be betting college basketball over/unders with Brett again.

Updated Rankings of Holiday-Themed Jewelry Commercials I Hate:

(1) Kay Jewelers commercial with the black family where the Dad makes the kids read that "Night Before Christmas" poem, only changes the words so it's about jewelry. This one will ALWAYS be number one.
(2) Jared Jewelers commercial where the wife is up late with the baby, only it's Christmas morning, and the husband gives her a watch, and they talk about whether or not the baby will remember this moment. Yes, guys ... the month-old baby's first memory will be of a watch. I know mine is. This one is number two with a bullet ... saw it for the first time last night, and it's already toppled the 1-2 Kay Jewelers dynasty that I thought would remain 1-2 for all eternity.
(3) Kay Jewelers commercial where the guy is dating the deaf girl, and they apparently have no way of communicating except for her smiling when he buys her diamonds. That's a relationship built for the long haul right there.

11:41 AM: Tulsa 25, UALR 18

With 3:30 left in the first half, UALR still has no assists. Can they make it for a full half? I say yes.

11:16 AM: Tulsa 10, UALR 7

Siena holds off Northeastern, and we move on to Game #8 ... Arkansas-Little Rock at Tulsa!

It's possible they forgot to sell tickets for this one. Or maybe they just never unlocked the gym. I guess what I'm saying is this: plenty of good seats still available in Tulsa. If you're just driving around, come on out. Which is too bad, since the crowds everywhere else have been one of the best parts of the day. I guess the novelty of a 1 PM start on a Tuesday in Oklahoma can't match up with the novelty of a 6 AM start in New Jersey. C'mon, undergrad population of Tulsa ... what else are you going to do, go to class?

On the other hand, the "Star Watch" graphic for Tulsa featured a guy who decided not to play basketball his senior year of high school. So maybe this isn't a real exciting team.

Just as I type that, Tulsa jumps out to the early lead, and the announcers start talking about how Tulsa may be the team to finally unseat Memphis in Conference USA. Spoke too soon, I guess. Maybe you don't really have to play high school basketball to be a star in college. Shows what I know.

11:01 AM: Siena 55, Northeastern 48

Realizing now that I still haven't eaten a meal since the tip-off marathon began, and also realizing that I'm out of milk. Looks like it's time for a breakfast of graham cracker, peanut butter, and Nutella sandwiches. And a sugar-free Red Bull. Breakfast ... of ... champions.

Rossiter turns the ball over on the break, and Rafferty raves, "What a tough play!" I think Rossiter could run by the scorers table, punch both announcers in the face, and they still wouldn't say anything bad about him.

From an earlier Gmail conversation: Why couldn't ESPN have had Dick Vitale announce the 6 AM game? I mean, if anything could have kept people awake ...

Tangent #3: Searching for the next Stephen Curry:

Listen, Edwin Ubiles ... it's not you, it's me. It's just ... you can't talk yourself into falling in love.

Now that Curry is looking increasingly miserable as a Golden State Warrior, I need to find another college guard to fall in love with, and I saw this Tip-Off Marathon as a kind of speed dating in that regard. Well, we're seven games into it, and Ubiles is the only player who has caught my eye in any way.

Still, something isn't quite right, and I think the problem is that Ubiles may be too good of an athlete to take Curry's place. I want a guy who appears to beat the other team solely on swagger.

Here's a short list of guards I've previously been obsessed with:

Stephen Curry
Eric Maynor
Acie Law IV
Miles Simon
Randolph Childress

It all started with Randolph Childress, who played with Tim Duncan at Wake Forest and was, by any rationale, the better college player of the two. He was ACC MALE ATHLETE of the year in 1995. And yet, he averaged 2.4 PPG in two NBA seasons, and has since played in Turkey, Australia, and Italy.

Miles Simon (who, it turns out, is Swedish) was a First Team All American (over Vince Carter and Rip Hamilton) and led Arizona to the National Championship, yet he only played briefly in the NBA, and his Wikipedia page mostly talks about the season he was named CBA MVP. I think he's best known now for playing intramural basketball against Nate.

Acie Law has already been traded twice, and most people are calling him a bust already.

I don't get it. After years of drafting high-schoolers and foreigners, NBA executives are now more and more willing to draft players based on college success, even if they don't always project to greatness. And this, for the most part, has worked out. Every year, this is a running theme in Bill Simmons NBA Draft Diary, and almost every year, it makes him look smart. College success, for the most part, is predictive of NBA success.

Except for the guards I fall in love with.

Why?

So, Edwin Ubiles, it's probably a good sign that I'm not immediately infatuated with you. Enjoy your long and productive NBA career.

10:25 AM: Siena 36, Northeastern 29

Siena's best player, Edwin Ubiles, has 17 of their 26 points. His name is pronounced like "Youkilis," only with a "B" instead of a "P." And yet the Siena crowd does not see it necessary to chant "YOOB!!!" whenever he scores. You see, Red Sox fans? There's always an alternative to being annoying.

Siena takes the lead for the first time since 2-0, and the announcers fall all over themselves singing the praises of Ryan Rossiter, currently the only white guy on the court. So gritty, so scrappy! Which reminds me ... I cannot wait to hate Luke Harangody again this year. Thanks for coming back to school, Luke! Hope Notre Dame struggles to finish .500 again this year. Enjoy playing pro ball in Russia next year.

Psychoanalyis Sidenote: Why do I love to hate overachieving unathletic white guys? I mean, I AM an unathletic white guy, but I certainly don't feel any "one of us!" empathy toward Harangody ... or Spencer Hawes ... or Josh McRoberts ... or any one of a million other guys. Am I jealous that it's not me out there lumbering up and down the court? Maybe.

10:05 AM: Northeastern 26, Siena 20

Halftime of game #7. Andy Katz has supposedly been awake the entire time, and he looks tired, but is putting on a good show talking about Western Kentucky, a team that is not involved in the Tip-Off Marathon. I don't know what this has to do with anything. It's possible he was asked about a different team and just went on autopilot. He may be sleep-commentating.

If Bill Rafferty said "ONIONS!" already during the first half of this game, I will never forgive myself for falling asleep. Or, probably more likely, I will never know if he's already said it, and I'll just wait till the next time he brings it out.

HTC "Sinnerman" and Flomax "runny nose and decrease in semen" commercials back to back. It's like I never left.

9:42 AM: Northeastern 20, Siena 16

I knew it was over when I turned the lights off and muted the TV, but somehow I deluded myself into believing that, as long as I kept the TV on, I could do it. I could nap for a few minutes, maybe an hour, and it would be okay. St. Peter's was pulling away. I had made interesting notes like:

"Announcer just said the coaches were subbing more than usual 'to keep the benches awake'"

and

"Something about the Monmouth team and watching the NCAA soccer selection show"

I honestly have no idea what that last one meant.

Next thing I know, it's six hours later. Though it doesn't look like I missed much with Clemson-Liberty.

So let's get back into it a little, see what happens.

3:08 AM: N. Colorado 81, Hawaii 75 (FINAL)

Is it possible to blow a 17 point lead in four minutes? Apparently not, though Northern Colorado tried.

We now go cross-country to Jersey City, and Monmouth vs. St. Peter's. It's 6 AM there. This is officially the point where late-night becomes early morning.

2:53 AM: N. Colorado 70, Hawaii 62

First Sign That It's Time to Go to Sleep: Flomax commercial lists the potential side effects as "runny nose and decrease in semen." I immediately think, "Well, is it possible that the missing semen is coming out of these guys' noses?" Because that is the worst side effect I've ever heard of.

Announcer just called this game "a battle of underdog vs. underdog." That ... doesn't seem possible.

He also keeps comparing one of Northern Colorado's players to Purdue's Chris Kramer. That just seems so incredibly random. "This guy, who you've never seen before, plays in a style similar to another guy, whom you've probably heard of, but it's not like you're real familiar with his style of play either."

2:30 AM: N. Colorado 52, Hawaii 52

As of right now, the only thing keeping me going are these HTC phone commercials that use the piano line from "Sinnerman" in the background. Perks me up everytime.

ESPN is just relentlessly pimping this new College Basketball encyclopedia. I just know I'm going to wind up blacking out in a bookstore only to wake up an hour later at home to find out that I bought like five copies of this thing. ESPN owns my subconscious at this point.

Northern Colorado guard Will Figures is the son of former NFL corner Deon Figures. I remember Figures being drafted back in the early 90s, so this makes me feel old. Two things about Deon Figures: (1) His Wikipedia page pretty much just explains how his pass interference call cost Pittsburgh the 1994 AFC Championship game (2) When he was drafted, he gave reporters the witty quote, "They gonna call me 'Six' Figures," and I thought it was awesome that a guy drafted in the first round was bragging about the fact that he was about to make more than $100,000. Dream big, kid. Let's at least go for "Seven" Figures.

1:51 AM: N. Colorado 32, Hawaii 30

So ... it's halftime now. I have absolutely nothing to say about that first half. Dig deep, Aaron. Just type some stuff.

Well ... this is the first game of the marathon not in HD. Get on that, Hawaii.

There was an awesome alley-oop dunk somewhere in there.

Northern Colorado's head coach is named Tad, so he's got the same first name as the guitarist from the Hold Steady. That's something.

Halftime Show: Rece, Hubert, Digger, and Jay seem very awake. They're doing highlights from earlier games. I think all of this was taped earlier, and these guys are asleep now.

1:26 AM: N. Colorado 15, Hawaii 12

Early Thoughts on Northern Colorado

Pros:
- They run a pressing defense, which is always fun to watch, win or lose
- They are obviously just so incredibly excited for the chance to go to Hawaii that when ESPN said, "And your game starts at 4AM ET," they didn't even care. They were already on the plane

Cons:
- When I was in college, Northern Colorado was a Division II school. I'm pretty sure they knocked St. Cloud State out of the D2 playoffs one year. And now they're a D-I program, and it's possible they'll hold their own in a decent conference. And there's always a chance they'll get hot in the conference tournament and play their way into the big dance. Why is this a con? Allow me a short rant:

I hate you, St. Cloud State University. I hate you so much. Every team we played against when I went to school there is now Division 1. Little, worthless schools from godforsaken North Dakota, South Dakota, and Northern Colorado. Are there even cities in Northern Colorado? Their campus may be an abandoned mine for all I know. Northern Colorado! We have fifteen thousand students! Our national reputation is of a sub-arctic diploma factory with an ugly history of racism!!! That's what we're known for (well, that, and the actor who played MacGyver).

So why can't we go D-I?!? Why can't we? Why not allow me that one glimmering moment where we sneak into the NCAA tournament as a 16 seed, come out of the gate hot, hit a couple threes, and lead North Carolina 8-5 before they eventually destroy us by 40? Why not be able to tell people, "Yeah, my alma mater is playing on ESPN today. Okay, the game is on at 4 AM, but so what?"

I have never once been proud of you, St. Cloud State. And I just don't see how I ever will. Unless you go D-I in basketball. Then I will be proud of you once every ten years or so. And I will spend the rest of the time just telling people I went to school "in Minnesota."

So ... that kind of baggage makes it hard for me to root for Northern Colorado. I am so ... so ... so jealous of them.

12:57 AM: SMC 80, SDSU 58 (FINAL)

Game #2 in the books. Did we learn anything? Probably not.

Next up: Northern Colorado at Hawaii. Rainbows a 5.5 point favorite.

Northern Colorado picked 7th in the Big Sky.

Hawaii picked last (9th) in the WAC (somehow, San Jose State is not picked last in the WAC ... this must be some kind of typo).

Feel the excitement.

Post-game interviews in Moraga. St. Mary's player doesn't have a comical Australian accent. Disappointing. However, there are about 50 screaming frat boys going nuts behind him right now, and he's doing an excellent job totally ignoring them. That's pretty funny.

12:35 AM: SMC 59, SDSU 47

San Diego State shows some signs of life, which is nice because I don't know if I have any more Glory Days stories to tell.

Lucky for me, Albert is still up, looking for gambling angles. We both love Clemson -10.5 at Liberty. A ranked team, from a power conference, playing a team picked to finish 8th in the Big South, whose best player (Steph Curry's little brother) transferred to Duke. Plus, Liberty is one of those crazy religious schools, so it's always fun to bet against them.

And now that we've mentioned both St. Mary's and gambling, it's as good a time as any to tell Branny's least-favorite gambling story.

When I moved to California, my friends took this as an invitation to call me at all hours of the night. I mean, it's two hours behind Minnesota, right? So they just expected I would be up. And, on some levels it worked. If they wanted to talk sports at midnight, and all their Midwestern friends were asleep, no worries, it's only 10 PM in California, so they could call me. On the other hand, if they were stumbling home from the bar at 3 AM ... well, yeah, it's only 1 AM for me, but that doesn't mean I wasn't sleeping.

In addition to this, my relocation apparently meant I knew everything there was to know about West Coast sports. Branny would call me with questions like, "How is Kirk Sarloos on the road? I've got the A's in a seven-team parlay." And he would lose those parlays. Every time.

I like it when my friends bet sports online. Basically, I like it when people are passionately involved in things no one cared about. So I nurtured Branny's online gambling habit as best I could, just like I do with Albert now.

So one night, Branny calls me all excited. "Gonzaga is a 1.5 point underdog at St. Mary's! Gonzaga! Gonzaga never loses a conference game! And St. Mary's?!? I don't even know where that is!" And I liked that he was excited. And yeah, Gonzaga was absolutely unbeatable at this point. So I agreed with him that Gonzaga was a shoe-in, and that this line was ridiculous, and that this bet was probably the stone-cold lock of the century. I did not bother to research St. Mary's, which it turned out was actually not that far away from me in the East Bay. I did not know that they were also a solid team, and that they would also make the NCAA tournament that season. And so, over the course of the conversation, Branny decided to make the largest sports bet he had ever made. For my part ... I did nothing. I went on with my life, and really didn't think much of it.

Later that night, I was at House of Pizza in San Jose with my roommates when Branny called. He was worked up. He was barely coherent. He did not mention the game at all. This is what he had to say: "They had this guy! With an undershirt! Little white guy walking around with this stupid undershirt ... like, an EXTRA-LARGE undershirt ... and I don't know if this guy could have even filled out a MEDIUM ... WHO WEARS AN UNDERSHIRT?!?"

Anyway, it turned out that this undershirt guy had been raining threes on Gonzaga all night, and St. Mary's had won easily.

And so we learned an important lesson: Vegas knows a lot more than you do. Since that day, if I see a line that just looks ridiculously wrong, I'm always tempted to go the other way. Just give in to the idea that there are things I don't understand.

So I like Clemson -10.5 ... but I hope Branny doesn't bet it.

Monday, November 16, 2009

11:50 PM: St. Mary's 42, San Diego State 21

Halftime of game #2, where a bunch of Australians are absolutely destroying a San Diego State team that The Sporting News picked to win the Mountain West conference. They were up 20 when ESPN switched over, and they're up 21 now. I feel like this game was over before the UCLA game.

Long, Unnecessary Tangent #2: San Diego State is coached by Steve Fisher, who coached Michigan to the national championship in 1989. I think the highlight of his coaching career, though, came ten years later when he watched me play AAU basketball.

The greatest player I ever played against was a guy named Michael Southall, a 6'10", freakishly athletic center who played for one of our rival schools (I once played pickup ball with future Vikings running back Michael Bennett, but I don't think he was taking it real seriously, so we're not counting that). He was one of maybe three black players in our conference, and he may as well have come from another planet. He was definitely the only player in Western Wisconsin who had D-I scouts come see him play in meaningless summer games. And so, Steve Fisher got to watch me try to guard a guy who has a DraftExpress page. It should have been a massacre.

From the beginning, though, it was obvious that Southall didn't care AT ALL. I scored 8 points in the first half, pinned one of his shots against the backboard, and basically convinced myself that I could hang with this guy.

Then, early in the second half, we were lined up for a free throw. His team was shooting. He looked over at me and said, "He's gonna miss, I'm going to get the rebound, and I'm going to score." And, sure enough, the guy missed. I boxed Southall out as well as I could, but he basically jumped over me, grabbed the ball, and dunked it in my face before I even knew what was going on. This series of events may have cost me a scholarship to San Diego State (or Michigan, or Georgia Tech, or Pitt ... those were the coaches watching the game that day). That, and the fact that I could barely dunk a basketball, later lost my starting spot on the team, and wound up averaging something like 3.5 points for a mediocre team in a mediocre conference. Those reasons probably had something to do with it as well.

Southall's story is either tragic, or comic, depending on how well you knew him. He originally committed to Kentucky, but lost his scholarship when he got in trouble with the law. What happened was this: he and some friends made a videotape of them with like a pound of marijuana, rolling joints by the dozen, weighing up baggies, and basically explaining how to sell drugs. They then left this tape in a subway restuarant, where a cop found it.

Of course, being ridiculously talented, Southall just moved on to Georgia Tech. Before he ever played a game, he was stopped by police walking down the street with an open container. When searched, it turned out he had like $1,000 worth of various drugs on him. So he lost that scholarship, too.

But you get more chances when you're Michael Southall. He wound up at Louisiana-Lafayette, played very well, was named first-team all-conference in the Sun Belt, and apparently had his life back on track. Then ... something happened. I have no idea what. But he violated his probation and spent a decent amount of time in jail.

I don't want to psychoanalyze the guy. Maybe he had problems, but I never saw them. He was always nice to me, said hi between games at tournaments, cracked jokes, seemed like a cool guy to hang out with. His dad went to my parents' church. It's not like he came from the ghetto or anything. And yet, just did a lot of dumb things and got caught. Over and over again.

The happy ending, I guess, is this: Southall is now playing pro ball in Switzerland, averaging a double-double. I hope things work out for the guy.

And that, I guess, is what you talk about as San Diego State cuts the lead from 21 ... to 17.

11:31 PM: Fullerton 68, UCLA 65 (FINAL - 2 OT)

Oh, UCLA ... I trusted you. CS-Fullerton is a bad team ... who played a bad game ... and they still beat you. At least you forced double overtime.

But they were boring, stupid overtimes (First OT: Fullerton 3, UCLA 3 ... six total points). Spent both overtimes on the phone with Ilana occasionally updating her on how the game has been going, saying things like, "No, no one has scored in a while," "No, still nothing," and "I think that shot just hit the top of the backboard."

Some relevant stats:

UCLA Three-Pointers: 5-29 (17.2%)
- Lee - 1-8
- Dragovic - 1-9

(On the other hand, Fullerton was 3-15 (20%), so ... push?)

UCLA Free Throws: 8-17 (47.1%)

So ... let's pretend that game never happened. Next up in the marathon, we head to Moraga, CA ... St. Mary's vs. San Diego State. And ... it's already 29-9, SMC. Playing without Paddy Mills. And still absolutely dominating. Eh, maybe I can make fun of the commercials.

Also, even though this game tipped at 11 PM local time, the crowd is going crazy. I hope the weird start times bring out the best in these small-school crowds. Supposedly, St. Peter's (playing Monmouth, local start time 6 AM) is just leaving the gym open all night, and people can stick around for the game in the morning. Awesome.

10:40 PM: Fullerton 50, UCLA 47

This Game in a Nutshell: Step One - UCLA misses three pointer. Step Two - Fullerton misses layup. Step Three - Repeat. Fullerton was up ten just a minute ago, and still lead right now, but there is no way UCLA loses this game. This may be a down year for them, but they are good enough to beat a team picked seventh in the Big West if that team is playing poorly. That may be the worst compliment of all time.

Best Reason for Optimism: When Jrue (pronounced "Drew") Holliday left early for the NBA draft last year, I worried UCLA would be left without a player with a comically stupid name. However, Stacie has helpfully alerted me to the existence of Jerime Anderson. All is right with the world.

Somehow, UCLA's Best Player Is: (1) a white guy with a faux-hawk (2) named "Reeves" (3) from Modesto.

Most Played Commercial So Far: The Enterprise Rent-a-Car commercial where the couple is going on vacation, the wife shows her husband two negligees, asks "Red? Or black?" and he says, "Both." I am convinced that these two have never had sex, and may not even know what sex is. The whole thing is like children playing grown-up, repeating a bunch of words they don't understand.

10:07 PM: Halftime

9:51 PM: Halftime! Fullerton up six. I contemplate making an actual meal, as so far I have been living on Wheat Thin and cheese sandwiches dipped in salsa, a snack that I would like to have named after me at some point.

Since it's halftime, here are some things that have nothing to do with anything:

(1) Got the following email from Rolling Stone magazine today:

AARON BERGSTROM,

Your address change will be effective take effect with the Jul 9 2010 issue.

July ... 9 ... 2010?!? It takes NINE MONTHS to change my address?!? I was upset about this, but then I realized that I've never actually paid for the magazine, and they just send it to me. So I guess it's cool. But still ...

(2) New Sonic Commercials! These are disappointing, though, since it's a guy and girl who are obviously dating/married. C'mon, Sonic ... the best part of your commercials was making up an elaborate backstory for those two guys.

(3) It's awesome that the ESPN studio guys talk about Twitter like it's some kind of ridiculous fad: "Andy Katz will be up all night tweeting, twittering, whatever the kids are doing." I love it when people pride themselves on ignorance.

(4) Two guys in-studio yelling about whether St. John's (who is not playing today, and in fact has not played a game this year) will make the NCAA tournament. Yeah ... I don't think it's too early.

Okay ... I guess the point here is that I really have nothing to say. Let's slow down the posting a little bit in the second half.

9:46 PM: CS-Fullerton 25, UCLA 23

Things Doris Burke Has Talked About So Far: (1) How excited she is for the women's games ESPN will be televising later tomorrow (2) Her children (3) How she's staying up SO late for this game. Is she naturally a horrible stereotype of a female announcer, or does ESPN make her talk this way?

9:26 PM: Back to back air-balls. Also, any wide shot of Pauly Pavilion shows the place is about 40% full. So ... no real difference in intensity and action as an NCAA tournament game. When I have to work through the first weekend of the tourney next March, I can look back and say, "Well, this was pretty much the same thing."

First Extended Tangent of the Night:

I love college basketball. This should be obvious. On the other hand, though, I'm largely indifferent to pro basketball and, in the past, I've had a difficult time explaining exactly why. Pro basketball is, by any objective measure, better players playing better basketball. Weirdly, I think this is the problem. Right now, I'm watching an incredibly sloppy game, and yet I'm fascinated. This is not necessarily a paradox.

There are a lot of foregone conclusions in an NBA game, while in college there are very few. In the pro game, often no one bothers to contest a rebound on a free throw. In college, everyone crashes the boards. But this makes sense. In the NBA, that shooter is probably at least 75% from the line, while the college shooter is likely much less. So why wouldn't NBA big men save there energy on a shot that's probably going in anyway?

There are many more examples of this:
No one presses in the NBA, and for good reason: Steve Nash or Chris Paul would just run right through it, and create easy shots on the other end. In college, though a basic press can often destroy underclassmen guards and occasionally decide a game.
No one in the NBA really gives much effort defending a three-on-one break, and defenders will often give up an uncontested dunk to Shaq or Dwight Howard when those guys catch the ball on the block. And, again, why not? What are you really going to DO in those situations? In college, again, inferior offensive players give defenders more reason to give 100% in any situation. It could lead to a turnover.

So, when I think about it, it makes sense that I like college basketball BECAUSE (not in spite of) the fact that the talent level is lower. Okay. But, by that logic ... why don't I like women's basketball? Seriously. The talent level is even lower. EVERYTHING is contested. All the girls undoubtedly play hard all the time. But, c'mon ... unwatchable.

Apparently there's a kind of diminishing returns when it comes to effort.

9:18 PM: CS-Fullerton 10, UCLA 7

Official Tip-Off Time: 9:05 PM

Preparations So Far: Took the J-Church down to the King Street Borders, bought a couple preview magazines (Sporting News and ESPN), went next door to Safeway, bought a 4-pack of sugar-free Red Bulls, a block of cheese, and a jar of Southwest Salsa that is supposedly "HOT," but might be the mildest thing I've ever tasted. It's possible I accidentally bought ketchup.

Biggest Disappointment So Far: ESPN is also doing a live blog: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=4661426

Thoughts on Cal-State Fullerton:
(1) This may be the only school in the Big West Conference that I don't have a t-shirt of. Shoulda worked harder to recruit a Sabes sibling, guys.
(2) Starting center Bryce Webster is supposedly a transfer from the University of Minnesota, but somehow I've never heard of him. On the other hand, while sitting out his transfer season, he worked at Target, which everyone knows is a Minnesota corporation, so it must be true.

Thoughts on UCLA:
(1) Never a good sign: Pre-game graphics included "Star Watch: Michael Rolle." One of the best things about college hoops is that, if you stay around long enough, people will remember your name and mistakenly think that you're good, even though you're just some soft white guy who can occasionally make threes.

If I Stop This Experiment Abrubtly: It will be because of the Kay Jeweler commercials. I hate them so, so much. They're cheesy, they prey on people's emotions, and they perpetuate the idea that true love can only be expressed via jewelry. I just don't buy the premise that the most magical moment of any relationship is the moment she opens up some gaudy diamond necklace. This is how you know he loves you?

Also, I'm not sure how the guy and the deaf women are able to maintain their relationship when they apparently have no way to communicate outside of jewelry. These commercials are my least favorite part of the holiday season. That, and the fact that it's inevitably fifteen degrees below zero in Minnesota whenever I visit.

8:59: Schedule

Midnight ESPN/ESPN360.com Cal State Fullerton vs. UCLA
2 a.m. ESPN/ESPN360.com San Diego State vs. Saint Mary's
4 a.m. ESPN/ESPN360.com Northern Colorado vs. Hawaii
6 a.m. ESPN/ESPN360.com Monmouth vs. St. Peter's
8 a.m. ESPN/ESPN360.com Drexel vs. Niagara
10 a.m. ESPN/ESPN360.com Clemson vs. Liberty
Noon ESPN/ESPN360.com Northeastern vs. Siena
2 p.m. ESPN/ESPN360.com UA-Little Rock vs. Tulsa
4 p.m. ESPN/ESPN360.com Temple vs. Georgetown
5:30 p.m. ESPN2/ESPN360.com CBE Classic: Binghamton vs. Pittsburgh
6 p.m. ESPN/ESPN360.com Dick's Sporting Goods NIT (from Duke)
7 p.m. ESPNU Tennessee vs. Texas Tech (women)
7:30 p.m. ESPN2/ESPN360.com Hall of Fame Showcase: Arkansas vs. Louisville (St. Louis)
8 p.m. ESPN/ESPN360.com Gonzaga vs. Michigan State
8 p.m. ESPN360.com Northern Illinois vs. Illinois
9 p.m. ESPNU Duquesne vs. Iowa
9:30 p.m. ESPN2/ESPN360.com UConn vs. Texas (women)
10 p.m. ESPN/ESPN360.com Hall of Fame Showcase: Memphis vs. Kansas (St. Louis)
11:30 p.m. ESPN2/ESPN360.com Dick's Sporting Goods NIT (from Arizona State)

8:56: Pregame

There comes a time in every man's life when he realizes that he may never have a better chance to watch 24 straight hours of basketball. For me, that time is now. The pros and cons of my undertaking such a challenge can be summed up thusly:

Pros:
- No job (and, really, nothing to do until January)
- Ilana still on her way home from Long Beach (and the illustrious Miss Long Beach Pageant), so there's no voice of reason anywhere nearby
- Residual inspiration from the storybook pageant victory of the new Miss Long Beach, our own Elisa Sabes
- Ran 9 and 9.5 miles the last two days, so I feel like I deserve some extended couch time
- Slept in till 11:30 today, so I'm well-rested from the, um, really nothing I did yesterday
- Already ate an Ike's Sandwich today, so I have a good food base
- First chance to really break in my new TV
- Have been looking for chances to do some writing during this two month break

Cons:
- Have already watched parts of two other college basketball games today (Duke-Coastal Carolina and UConn-Colgate), plus I followed a third on my phone (Minnesota-Stephen F. Austin) ... this could hurt my endurance later
- Really, what kind of person would even try to watch college basketball for 24 hours?!?

Obviously, the pros far outweigh the cons. Am I going to finish this thing? Honestly, probably not. But, to break out the first of probably many Simpsons references: "I can't promise I'll try. But I'll try to try."

Because It Was There

It is not everyday that you get an email like this:

Subject: 24 Hours of Bergstrom

Who else besides me would be interested in seeing/reading about Aaron watching all 24 hours of college basketball that starts tuesday?
He currently doesn't have to go to work
He just got a new TV
He's a good writer/blogger
One of his favorite writers (Klostermen) did it
and he loves college basktetball
I am hoping with enough peer pressure, coffee, and Ilana being in Saratoga, that we can get this done!!!
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?page=09marathon

***

Alright, Kass ... I will try my best. Check here for updates.